"In recent year there's been a lot of pop acts singing about being beautiful or someone or something being beautiful
Now, I know this ain't a new thing but it just feels as if these people don't really know what beauty is
And by bandying it around so often it starts to lose all meaning and worth.
You see "beauty" and "beautiful" are powerful words.
It's more than just a physical thing.
It's more than just a nice pair of tits.
Bring the beat in and let me tell them what I think beauty is....
Now for me to get my definition of beauty across to you
I must request your attention for the immediate future
It won't take so long as to put you in a catatonic stupor
As I present my case study example: Tommy Cooper.
If you haven't heard of Tommy I'll do my best to explain.
Tommy Cooper was in the entertainment game
Every granddad in Britain can do a Tommy Cooper impression
With a selection of gags, hand movements and facial expressions
His uniform was a suit and a red fez hat
He would combine jokes and magic tricks just like that
He'd drift between the two with the most cackhanded transition
He was two part comedian and one part magician
Mistakes and mess-ups were a bit part of his show
Which were real and which were planned only he would know
If he messed up or a certain joke bombed
He would just start laughing at himself and soon the laughs would catch on
See Tommy gave no regard to class or race
His only goal was to put a smile on every single face
All his life Tommy lived to just make people laugh
Whether on stage or at home he would just be acting daft
On April 5th, 1984
The London Palladium was the scene of Tommy's show once more
It was a full house and he had the crowd eating out of his hand once more
Everything, as usual, seemed completely unplanned
And in what seemed like a finale Tommy dropped to the floor
Causing the room to erupt into laughter and rapturous applause
The curtain closed, lights went up and there was no encore
Everybody left their seats and headed for the door
Unbeknown to them they had witness Tommy Cooper's death
He had given his all until he had nothing left
Now please note that at the moment that this entertainer died
Even with a room full of people not one tear was cried
Much less, they rose to their feet and they laughed and clapped
Now tell me one fucking thing that's more beautiful than that...
'Cause I'm sure I can't think of one."